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Ambivalence with regard to study

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My motivation for study is not fixed, which is a little bit a problem. I mean that why I am here is that I wanted. However, contradictorily I also have the feeling of which I wanna escape from studying or like I cannot simply do because it's too much for me. I'm from IT field and then here doing a mix of political and social sciences.

Perhaps, I'm missing something. Friends whom I feel cozy with? Yeah I'm too alone. Hm, well, something motivates me. I'm not energetic without knowing exactly why.

Now I see. While writing I've got why. It's not complicated. It's just like I like but can't. I have not taken one step. I have been afraid I'm not capable. I am not good at English and lack of knowledge. I'm illogical either.

In contrast, I should have known how many times I said 'Daijoubu (You're all right)' today. Nonetheless, my enemy is always myself. It's often difficult to say, "I'm gonna be all right" to myself. This is like I need friends who motivate/encourage me, right? My school life is not like many friends around me. Well, then This would be my first step, which requires great courage for me.

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